Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while hes round-house kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Some people where superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Some kids check under their bed for the boogie man. The boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is Charles. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him till he exploded.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about.
If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you die. If Chuck Norris misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in three moves.
If you spell Chuck Norris in scrabble you win - forever.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and Kill.
In an average living room there are 1,242 Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a game of "Who has more testicles?". Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen Sandiego.
When taking the SAT write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8,000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In face, Chuck Norris invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris won the 1983 World Series of Poker despite only holding a Joker, a Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch a hour long show.
Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris played himself in Russian Roulette with a clip loading pistol - and won.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris won a staring contest against Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles, at the same time.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
I have 7 pages of the best Chuck Norris jokes around so if you want them e-mail me your e-mail at Supernova90@houston.rr.comCommandant